The Grief You Don’t Know You’re Carrying
- Rohaan Zuberi
- Nov 2
- 4 min read
Read Time: 5 Minutes |
How to Handle Grief — Even When Nothing’s ‘Wrong’
When my grandparents passed away, I couldn’t attend either of their funerals.Both times, I was in high school. Both times, I had exams.
Life didn’t pause...but my emotions did.
Here's a picture of my Nani with her glorious aura, and a mini me.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about grief again.
A close friend recently told me they had a suicidal thought.
I didn’t know what to say.
How do you comfort someone who’s lost hope when you still haven’t made peace with your own pain?
That night I struggled to sleep.
I kept replaying the words and realized something I never said out loud:
Grief doesn’t always look like death.
Sometimes it’s that quiet sigh when life feels pointless.Sometimes it’s the numbness that comes from being let down by your own expectations again and again.
The hardest part is, there’s no funeral for this kind of grief.
No closure. Just a quiet never-ending pain that stays.
I have felt it many times since those high school years.Not just when I lost people...but when I lost parts of myself.
And I think most of us are living with invisible grief...the kind we don’t notice, but always feel.
The 8 Types of Everyday Grief
(and How to Handle it)
1. The Grief of Lost Identity
When who you were no longer fits who you’re becoming.You have grown but part of you misses the old you.
Record a 2 mins video of yourself starting with the sentence: “The version of me I’m outgrowing…” Finish the sentence without stopping for two minutes.
Choose one daily action that your new self would do differently...even if it’s as small as how you start your morning.
2. The Grief of Lost Potential
The ache of what could have been.The career you didn’t chase. The dream you didn’t try for. The relationship you wish you fought for.
Spend 10 minutes visualizing the version of you who did it. Then apply one habit from that version and start it today.
Teach one thing you learned from that “missed path” to someone younger. (This is the one that positively changed my life significantly.)
3. The Grief of Change
Even good change means letting go. Every new chapter has a goodbye.
Keep one photo or object that represents what you left not to dwell on it, but to remind yourself how far you’ve come.
(For me this is my Playstation 5 to remind me of the lifestyle shift I made from just gaming all day.)
Write down 3 things the old chapter taught you. Read them when you feel lost.
And sometimes, the hardest grief is realizing how much you have changed.
4. The Grief of Disconnection
When you feel avoidant and you don’t know why. Some relationships end without arguments and just growing distance.
Without expecting a reply, send one honest message that starts with, “I was thinking about you today.”
Make a list of 5 people who lift your energy. Text one of them right now. Nourish what’s alive, not what’s gone.
5. The Grief of Self-Betrayal
When you realize you’ve broken promises to yourself. You kept the peace but lost your self-respect.
Identify one boundary you broke. Then make a promise on how you will protect it next time.
Do one thing this week that restores your self-trust, even if no one notices. A quiet integrity rebuilds faster than apologies.
6. The Grief of Time
The sadness of knowing you can’t get certain moments back...childhood, routines, people etc.
End the night by reminding yourself about something small you want to remember from that day. Try to make more time for it.
Schedule one “slow hour” per week...just spend the time with your thoughts even if it feels uncomfortable. Give yourself time to slow down and accept.
7. The Grief of Joy Past
When things that once made you happy stop lighting you up...hobbies, passions, or daily habits.
Revisit one of them for 15 mins, not to feel joy again but to understand what part of it you actually miss. Find healthier ways to feed that emotion.
Try one completely new activity with zero performance pressure...joy often hides where curiosity returns (As a bonus, this may help you find your life purpose)
8. The Grief of Certainty
When life stops following the script. A plan collapses. The future seems blank.
Identify 3 things that are still stable...a relationship, a habit, a belief. Turn to them whenever anxiety from uncertainty spikes.
Create a “5 mins rule” for worry: give fear 5 mins to speak, then 5 mins to act on something small that's within your control.
How to Carry Grief Better
2. Honor It. Don’t rush it away. Give the emotion a place to sit. Grief softens when it’s witnessed.
3. Redirect It.Grief is love with nowhere to go. Send it somewhere into a project, a cause, a conversation.
4. Rebuild It.You don’t move on; you move with it. Every act of growth becomes proof that the pain had purpose.
Grief never really leaves. You just learn to deal with it more gently.
Fun fact: The "ri" logo I have is a representation of a stick figure comforting another person by touching their shoulder.
We all grieve. Require love. Require support. Offer that to a loved one today. |
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