How I Stopped Saying Yes and Took Back Control of My Life

For years, I had a problem.

I couldn’t stop saying yes.

I kept agreeing to tasks, people, and projects that didn’t truly matter to me. I thought saying yes would create success and opportunities. I thought it would make people like me.

But it didn’t…

It drained my energy, crushed my confidence, and left me feeling stuck.

Every time I said yes to something I didn’t want, I broke a promise to myself. Over time, I lost faith in my ability to control my life.

It wasn’t until I found myself in a room full of people whose values didn’t align with mine. We were working on a task I didn’t care about. It hit me:

“This isn’t who I am. This isn’t who I want to be.”

The Hack That Stopped Me from Saying Yes

It was at that moment that I made one small promise to myself: Stop saying ‘Yes’ to things that don’t matter.

But breaking the habit wasn’t easy.

The pressure to say ‘Yes’ was strong. I needed a way to rewire that behavior.

That’s when I discovered a powerful hack:

Gamify saying ‘No’.

Being a Gamer for most of my life, this was life-changing.

Every time I said ‘No’ to something that didn’t serve me, I wrote it down in a journal.

I tracked it like a win. Over time, I turned it into a game.

The goal was to keep growing that list. To chase the rush of adding another ‘No’ to my list.

It worked.

→ I stopped saying yes to things that drained me.

→ I became mindful of what I said yes to.

→ I reclaimed my energy, focus, and time.

The process rewired my brain. I no longer felt guilty for saying no. Instead, I started celebrating it.

Why Most People Can’t Say No

Saying ‘Yes’ feels safe. You avoid conflict. You avoid disappointment. You avoid judgment.

But here’s the truth:

Every time you say ‘Yes’ to something that doesn’t align with your values, you say ‘No’ to yourself.

Over time, this destroys your self-trust. You start believing:

→ I’m not disciplined.

→ I can’t control my life.

→ I will always be stuck like this.

But you can reverse it. The key is small, measurable wins.

How to Stop Saying ‘Yes’

Here’s the process that worked for me:

1. Acknowledge the problem.

   Be honest with yourself. What promises have you been breaking by saying ‘Yes’ too often?

2. Make a small, actionable promise.

   Start simple: Say ‘No’ to one thing that doesn’t align with your values.

   Examples:

   → Decline a meeting that’s not essential.

   → Say no to a favor you don’t have the bandwidth for.

   → Turn down a project that doesn’t serve your goals.

3. Track every ‘No’ as a win.

   Keep a log of every time you say ‘No’. Each entry is a reminder that you’re reclaiming control. Your brain will start craving these small wins, reinforcing the behavior.

4. Raise your standards over time.

   As your self-trust grows, you will naturally feel more confident in setting boundaries and making decisions that align with your goals.

   
   

A Client’s Transformation

One of my clients, a busy entrepreneur, was stuck in a similar cycle.

He had a circle of people that drained his energy. He felt demotivated in his interactions, unable to say ‘No’ to spending time without feeling guilty.

We mapped out his relationships and tasks into two categories:

→ Energy boosters that aligned with his goals

→ Energy drainers that held him back

His promise? Say ‘No’ to the drainers.

He tracked each ‘No’ in a notebook.

Over time, he minimized those interactions and focused on people and tasks that fueled him.

The result?

→ More happiness

→ Better focus

→ Increased productivity

Small changes. Big results.

The Lesson

Transformation doesn’t come from big leaps.

It happens by keeping small promises to yourself every day.

Start by making one small promise:

→ Say ‘No’ to one thing that you have been struggling to say ‘No’ to.

→ Track it. Reward yourself.

Build momentum. Take back control of your time, energy, and focus.

One small promise is all it takes.